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(no subject) [May. 9th, 2013|12:48 am]
Feeling a little stuck again. Frustrated. Things with my personal life have sorted themselves out. The last post was mostly in regards to my wife's grandmother passing away and the many trying situations which resulted from her passing. So I can elaborate on that a bit.

About 4 years ago we bought a house, our house. We knew it was temporary, and that we wouldnt stay there forever. It was a modest starter home. Since I met my wife she had always had dreams of buying her grandparents house. When her grandpa passed away in 2007 (about a year before I met her) her grandma was left alone to deal with the finances which had been handled by her grandpa for years. As time wore on, her financial situation got worse. We had to lend her money sometimes, and towards the end she had a tough time keeping all of her bills straight; over paying some and forgetting some altogether. At one point we considered selling our house and moving in with her (and Nicole's father-who lived in the basement) to help her out financially.

We talked with her a few times about what would happen to the house when she was gone. She told us numerous times that everything in her estate was to be divided up equally between Nicole's dad and her uncle Joe, and that even though she really wanted us to have the house- it wouldnt be fair to Rick (her dad) or Joe. We had concerns about this, since Rick was unemployed and wouldnt be able to maintain the house (which was not paid off- and that she actually owed quite a bit of money on still- mostly as the result of a second mortgage Nicoles grandparents took out on the house to fund her dads failed business venture) and Joe seemed to show a general disregard for family in favor of his own interests. However, her grandma was steadfast in insisting that this was the way her estate should be divided.

I told a coworker a few months before her grandma died that her passing would bring a lot of turmoil and fighting. I was right.

When she came to pass in October, it was very hard on my wife. Her grandma, who was an extraordinary woman, was like a mother to her. Her passing only solidified her desire to hold on to her house.

Actually, at the beginning, it seemed like it was going to work out really well. I talked with both her dad and her uncle, and they agreed to help us get her grandmas house. Her dad, of course, was really onboard, because like I said, he's unemployed, and with us moving into the house it would pretty much guarantee him a place to live. Her uncle, I was surprised about.

As it turned out her grandma was about 2 months behind on her mortgage when she passed. She was already receiving notices and threats of foreclosure from her mortgage company. We also found out that her grandma had taken the house out of the family trust in 2009 to refinance, and that the house had never been put back into the trust. Because of this, we found out that we needed to go through probate in order for her dad and uncle to be able to legally sell the house to us.

As time wore on, and things changed due to what we found out about her finances (being behind on the mortgage and having 2 other loans out against the house) and having to go through probate her uncle started to change his tune about wanting to help us get into the house. He was upset at Nicoles dad, and money that he owed to him, we wanted more money for the house than what it was worth, and also to take money from Rick's share of his moms life insurance.

Things went south from there. Rick and Joe werent talking (actually, they still arent) I became the middle man.

I guess I dont really have to go into much more detail. All this pretty much sets up how shitty of a situation it turned out to be. Oh wait! We still had to sell our house (in a tough market) and her grandmas house was set to be sold in a sheriff's sale in just a few short weeks!

We sold our house in a month (a miracle) and didnt lose any money (double miracle) and we were able to go through probate and close on the house 5 days before the sheriff's sale was set to take place (triple miracle)!

So here we are. We own her grandmas house, and are finally giving it the attention it has needed for years. I know my wife is happy to know that we are going to be able to restore the house to its former glory, like the house she remembers from when she was a child.

My son loves it. We live 4 blocks from his school, and all his friends live nearby. My daughter is too little to care, but has adapted well. My wife is happy because she accomplished something she has wanted all her life. And well- her dad is happy too, because he is living in my basement.

Me, well, I am happy that my family is happy, but there is a part of me that is sad that I wont ever be moving back to the country where my family is at. However, the place is growing on me. This house has served as the central hub of all of Nicole's family activity for years, and we are carrying on that tradition. Her brother and sister and their families come over every Sunday for dinner, just  like we did when her grandma was alive, and like they did when both of her grandparents were around. We are going to get the pool up and running again this summer so we can have lots of neighborhood gatherings here, just like her grandparents did.

I guess now is where I get to why I am feeling stuck. This house and this pool cost more money than our old house. I am a little bit worried about finances. There was a glimmer of hope for a bit, because I almost landed a big job- as the lead coordinator for security for all of the St. Paul public schools. I was so hopeful. I my interviews went great. I was 95% sure I had the job, but I didn't get it. Its not only about the money though. This job would have offered me the opportunity to work during the day, instead of the second shift, so I would be able to see my family more.

I didnt get it. I'm still stuck on the second shift, and I am not making the amount of money I feel it will take to maintain our current lifestyle and fund this house and all that goes in to owning it.

I'm bummed. This job would have really made things more bearable.

Of course also, in a cruel twist of fate, I am now pursuing a job as the Director of Security for a University that would make country living feasible, but I just bought a house in the city that I wont be leaving any time soon.

I guess I dont really think I will get the job, the only reason I applied was for the interview experience. However, it is the first time I have ever been invited to interview for such a high caliber job. Is it wrong that I feel like this is destiny? I am almost positive they will offer me the job. Not based on interviews (because I haven;t had one) but based only on the fact that its a job that I probably can't take.
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(no subject) [Nov. 22nd, 2012|12:56 am]
Its been a long time since I've wrote anything here. I keep a written journal, but writing out everything I have on my mind now seems daunting. A lot of what I have wrote on here in the past seemed to be for other people, because I always knew someone else would be looking. I guess its been a few years since I wrote on here, so now, at least for tonight, I'm going to pretend no one is looking,

Life is hard. I guess I don't know how else to say it. 

In the past when I have been approached with issues I felt like I always had some general guidelines to follow by, or some previous experience which gave me a pretty good idea on how to deal with a situation- lately that does not seem to be the case. 

When you are a kid, or even all the way up in to college, everything seems pretty clearly defined. You have a goal that you are trying to obtain- for me this was always being my best- back then being the best meant getting good grades. That's pretty simple, and grades provide you with excellent feedback on how to gauge your success or failure,

I'm at a point in my life where there are no grades, and no clearly defined ways of gauging my success or failure.

If trying was a gauge of success, I can say that I would give myself pretty high marks in that area. I feel like I am trying so hard. I am trying so hard to succeed, so hard to make people happy, so hard to make other people succeed, and to make other people be happy.

The funny thing about trying is that I seem to be the only one that knows how hard it is to try and do all the things I do. A lot of times it seems the things I try to do are not being picked up upon by the ones that need to know the most. The ones that need to know that I am giving everything I can.

The thing is the only thing I know how to be is me. I don't say a lot. I don't let my emotions show. It takes a lot to knock me off the even keel I try to maintain on the outside. Some might mistake this for me not caring about what is going on around me- but its kinda the contrary- I probably let outside things affect me way more than I should- probably more than is healthy or normal.

I see from people around me that its more desirable to let my emotions overtake me. I am supposed to let my emotions lead me. Fly off the handle. Attack some one, verbally, physically, I guess it doesn't matter. Maybe that makes me more alive, more real. At least to people that are on the outside of my head. 

Like I said before- that ain't me.

I am passionate. Don't let my lack of outward emotion lead you to believe that I am not. I love some things more than you will ever know. 

No I don't. There aren't many things that I LOVE. There are not many things that I could sacrifice a lot for. I really like coffee, cigarettes, living in the middle of nowhere, working hard,not being bothered by dumbasses, but actually I could deal without having any of these things in exchange for what I LOVE.

I LOVE my family. I LOVE my wife, my son and my daughter. 

I hope they never question my love. I hope they always know, even though I'm not always the best at showing it, at least in the conventional ways.
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(no subject) [Oct. 21st, 2009|12:18 am]
Engagement photos.


click on customer galleries on the left hand side
ID #1133
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(no subject) [Oct. 2nd, 2009|09:51 am]
House picturesCollapse )
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(no subject) [Aug. 10th, 2009|08:28 pm]
Sorry its been so long since i've posted. Been really busy with the house. We are just about done and when we are I will post tons of pictures, promise
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(no subject) [Jul. 10th, 2009|10:29 am]
I should probably make a blog called how to make your crappy home pretty much amazing without spending any money.
I have been working alot on the house. Its starting to look really good. I have not even invested that much money into it. Lots of money for paint. A few bucks for new light fixtures. A little bit of sweat tearing down some old paneling...and a lot of time.  I will be posting more pictures soon, but as for right now I am going to go work on the house some more...then off to work.
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(no subject) [Jun. 24th, 2009|09:02 pm]
I have friday off work. We close on our house at 10 am, then the work begins. I'm going to try to move all of my stuff this weekend. If I have any more time this weekend I want to begin painting and refinishing the cabinets. Lots of work to do. Pictures will be posted of our progress.
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(no subject) [Jun. 12th, 2009|12:23 pm]

We close on our house in two weeks. Things have been really crazy. Gage just had his 4th birthday party last weekend. We got him a puppy for his birthday and he loves her very much. Her name is Maggie she is an olde english bulldogge. My work schedule has sucked pretty bad the last two weeks and I have had to work M- F from 1530-2330. Meaning I have barely seen Nicole at all this week. It has been nice that I have been able to spend more time with Gage. He finished preschool up for the year and now has the summer off. He'll start in the pre kindergarten room in the fall. In one year we'll be getting him ready to go to kindergarten. Wow. He's getting so big!

The house we are buying is a 4 bedroom 2 bathroom 1960s rambler. It sits on a nice corner lot and has a detached 2 car garage. The backyard is decently sized, but this is the first time I've ever had a house in the suburbs... so it pales in comparison to my idea of a yard which consists of a couple acres or so. The house itself is in good condition, but needs some updating. We purchased it for $178,000 and recently had it appraised at $190,000 so we got a prety good deal.

It will be a easy adjustment for me. I can't wait to live in a house as opposed to the apartments I've been living in for the last 5 years. I've moved at least once every year for those 5 years so it will be nice to settle some place for a little while. I'm looking forward to being able to cook dinner again (which I really haven't done because I spend most of my time at Nicole's grandma's house and she always makes me food...which I really appreciate, but I really do like to cook too!) and plant a garden next summer and take care of the yard. As weird as it sounds I'm actually looking forward to doing work on the house too. When I was growning up we were always working on the farm or on our house, and I feel so lazy sometimes because it seems like I am rarely doing anything productive.

The move will probably be harder on Nicole and Gage. Nicole has told me she doesn't like change, but I'm hoping this will be a good and easy one to make. I don't think that us living together full time will be much of a change. We pretty much live together now and we get along really great. One good change about this will be that Nicole and I will be able to have some more alone time. When we are at Nicole's grandma's there is always some one around... even when Gage is sleeping.

Gage on the other hand will probably have a hard time adjusting to a family life where it is just us three. It will be the first time he's had his own bedroom, and we just bought him his first big boy bed. He was pretty excited about it, but we'll see how excited he is when he actually has to sleep in it by himself!

Anyway here are some pictures. I need to wrap this up because its long, and Nicole keeps trying to read it while I'm writing and it makes me all self conscious about my writing then I lose my train of thought and then we get long rambling run-on sentences like this one.
Pictures of the House and the puppyCollapse )

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(no subject) [May. 24th, 2009|01:05 pm]
I know its been almost two months, but because our house was a short sale there were a bunch of hoops we had to jump through. We finally heard the other day that we officially got the house. We will be closing on it June 26. We are having an inspection done on Tuesday so I will be able to get inside and get some pictures of the place. In a couple of weeks I should be really busy painting and possibly re doing the baseboard and trim.

Work has been good. I've heard some really positive things about my work performance from my boss. I'm still not a full time permanent employee, but hopefully I will be by the end of the year. My boss has even encouraged me to look for manager jobs of other campus public safety operations, telling me that I have nothing to lose and that he thinks I am "talented."

Life has been good. I wish I was making a little bit more money, but more and more it seems like I'm getting closer to that american dream!
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Life [Mar. 29th, 2009|10:17 pm]
Life is a little crazy right now. We are in the midst of planning our wedding.
We are in the process of buying a house. The sellers have accepted our offer, but its a short sale so we are waiting to hear whether or not their bank has approved the offer. The house has been on the market for a year. It was originally listed at 249,000 and we are paying 185,000 for the house, with the sellers paying the closing costs, so basically we are getting this 250,000 house for 178,500! If everything goes accordingly we will close on the house on june 4.

My new job is going well. Its given me lots of opportunities already. Actually, tomorrow I am leaving to go to Moorhead to help out the college up there with security issues that they are facing in lieu of the flooding they are experiencing up there right now. I will basically be working 16 hour days for the time that I am there to give their security personnel a bit of a hard-earned break. I should make some good money, and it will be a great experience. Its going to be hard to be away from Nicole and Gage for that long, but all the overtime will help us with buying the house too.

I just thought I would write about those two big things here really quickly. I just found out that I am going to Moorhead about an hour and a half ago. I have to pack and get in a good nights sleep. I have to be up at five in the morning to get ready and get over to the college by 6 so we can head out to Moorhead by around 7. I'll update when I get back.
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